Feed me…for real…

So I am sitting in line at McDonalds this morning – for coffee (I know – but there’s no Starbucks around my house) – and I had a thought…a rare one for me… “I am not hungry”. Ok it may not sound very ground breaking to most people, but for me, at 7:45am, that was kind of nice to figure out. Then I started thinking. How many times do I eat just because…thinking that I should be eating or I am just bored. Way too many…

Ok – so before this turns into an online weight-watchers meeting, I need to connect the dots. See, this past Sunday in “big church” (that’s what student ministry peeps call the adult gathering), we talked about hearing from God by reading the word of God. And this morning, it occurred to me that often, my approach to reading the bible is the opposite of my reaction to eating. Instead of “eating” (aka reading) when I think I am not hungry, or reading when I find gaps of time in my day (rare though those may be), I seem to avoid it. I justify this with listening to faith based podcasts, worship music, reading theological or ministry books and so on. I tell my self that I am not hungry because I have just been “fed” with these other materials.

But the fact is, my life cries out for wisdom and guidance and hope. Every day I flounder in my own poor choices…or at the very least I run around trying to hang my hat on “the right thing”. Instead of turning to the one place that promises wisdom and guidance and soul restoration, I convince myself that I am not hungry. I am spiritual enough…I am connected enough to God…after all – look at where I work…look at my job title…look at how much I study in preparation to teach…

So, what am I going to do about it? I guess I could insert a bunch of high-minded promises about reading daily and quiet time and all that. And honestly, I do hope to be able to increase my intentional time in God’s word. But more importantly, I really want to become more aware and more honest with myself about when I need to be fed. And, if I am feeling empty, I want to be clear on what exactly will fill me up to satisfaction…not the Twinkies of spiritual reading, but the protein.

So the crazy question then becomes…what if my life became more and more dependent on and empowered by God’s voice instead of my own?


2 Responses to “Feed me…for real…”

  1. 1 jen
    August 26, 2009 at 4:28 pm

    i was laying in my bed this morning, thinking… God- i need to hear from you… no, really… really hear from you. Not just the quick fix. huh… real food. depth. no results yet. but i’ll keep you posted! maybe i need to do a little digging myself 🙂

  2. 2 colette
    August 26, 2009 at 1:57 pm

    Get out of my head. Thanks for the reminder that the easy excuses I often use are just that excuses when I know the right answer I need. Thanks for the nudge I need them often in humble opinion and walk.

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