24
May
11

playing ‘possum

Yes, you saw the title right. And, you saw the date. It’s been well over a year since I posted. But I’ll get to that in a minute.

Those closest to me know that I just had surgery about a week ago. It was a gall bladder thing. I no longer have one. I can’t tell you what that means exactly, but from what the doctors tell me, it’s kind of like having a built in Olestra side-effect. ummm…ew?

During recovery, I have been attended to by my mom (who moved in with us in November), my son (almost 8 and very sweet when he wants to be), and my husband (a real hero in this whole journey). My mom is wonderful, but sometimes can hover a little too much (like all moms – including me) and more than once I found myself semi-feigning sleep to avoid getting a bunch of questions or solicitations.

Don’t get me wrong, I was EXHAUSTED and very queasy the first and second day, so it wasn’t a total act. And, when I needed something, she was a huge help. But, I did start to feel a little guilty when she’d wander out of the room no doubt feeling helpless to fix me. I just needed some downtime and instead of being honest, in an effort largely to save feelings, I chose to play ‘possum.

And all of the sudden…I realized that I do that a LOT in my life.

Take the date of this blog entry…compared to the last one (I told you I’d come back to that). Anyone who knows me know that it isn’t for lack of something to say that I haven’t posted. I tend to find a personal soap-box on a daily basis. The fact is that this past year has been pretty tumultuous. And one victim in the melee has been my confidence. Without going into the gory details in this post, I have felt marginalized on a new level in almost every single area of my life.

And when I feel rejected, I shut down. I climb in a box. I hide my true self.

I play ‘possum.

The logic works something like this… if everyone thinks I’m dead, they can’t expect anything from me. And if they don’t expect anything, they won’t be disappointed. So, I curl up in my proverbial emotional/mental ball and go completely rigid. At which point, or course, I become paralyzed.

So, in this small moment of recovery, as I closed my eyes and lay still against the onslaught of over-care, I made a decision.

I decided that I would no longer be paralyzed by the gap in the blog dates. I  would no longer play the part of a gross-tree-dwelling-often-sighted-as-road-kill-rodent. I would, I could, wake up.

After all, I do have purpose. And if I am paralyzed, I can hardly live that out. And it didn’t work out so well for the dude who buried his talent, did it (Matt. 25:24-29)?

So, have you ever played ‘possum? Did it work? Are you playing possum in some part of your life now?

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2 Responses to “playing ‘possum”


  1. May 24, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    Sis:

    I am so proud of you daily. Know that yet again you have inspired me. Its been a long day and there were moments I wanted to play possum. Yet you gave me strength and hope. Know that on this journey the King sees his amazing child and truly wants your best.

    Love ya
    Colette


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